Loswen
by cherryvvoid
Summary: Of course, it was just her luck that she would end up in the timeline she knew next to nothing about. She should have read The Silmarillion when she had the goddamn chance. SI-OC. Spans from the Silmarillion to LOTR.
1. Adonnenniel: Rebirth

**Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or the Silmarillion.**

* * *

God created the universe in seven days.

It took one for hers to end.

They say he toiled day and night to create his masterpiece - that there was life to behold at the end of the Lord's efforts. That the world flourished and after all was said and done, God retired to a well-earned rest.

She suffered for perhaps a few minutes and at the end of it all the only thing she went back to was a grave.

A grave and the eternal goddamn darkness that suffocated her even without her need for air - pierced only by a moment of burning, pure white light that encompassed her fully for perhaps a moment before she was passed forward back to aching black and terror.

God created man through a man and a woman from a rib.

She came from something darker her second time around.

Something powerful.

Something that had shaped her in its image and that picture was not human.

It built her a body around her soul and with a scream out into the darkness as if she were a newborn child, she was birthed.

* * *

 _Burning eyes of silver snapped open as a hoarse wail climbed out of a dusky throat and Melkor smiled._

" _ **Welcome to Arda**_ _," He purred, voice powerful and all consuming. "_ _ **Núnonin**_ _."_

* * *

 **Here's my first LoTR SI-OC fic. This story will span the Silmarillion and LOTR. This is just the prolog, the next chapter will be longer and will hopefully average between 3k-5k.**

 **Núnonin loosely translates to Born of me and the title Loswen means Lost (empty) young woman, I got the name idea from Jade Celandine who will be credited all throughout this story because they really helped me put this together lol.**

 **Some preface is that Melkor created our dear Nin in his image (meaning Nin looks like Melkor) as a slight towards Eru, seeing as how he was doing to hardest to create another Valar but ended up with a bastardized version of it. So basically she's a discount Vala but don't take that to be mean she's lacking in power. It only means that Melkor made her rather than Eru so she's not trademarked lol. For some extra info, Nin's classification will chaotic neutral.**


	2. Cuil: Life

Howl slowly dying in her throat, the newly birthed girl - _for she knew she had just been reborn as surely as she knew this body wasn't really hers_ \- trembled against the stone floor and felt her muscles spasm and twitch.

She gasped and whined for breath as she struggled to gain her bearing and with a warm hand that brushed her hair away from her face, she fell under.

* * *

 _I'm alive_.

She awoke all at once.

 _I'm alive._

Lashes lowered over tired eyes and with gasp she twitched as feeling slowly but surely crept into the limbs of her body and the girl blinked up at the dark stone ceiling above her - and barely managed to keep her lids up for a few seconds more before they fluttered low and with a sigh she fell back to sleep

 _I'm alive._

* * *

Her next brush with consciousness yielded the same results and so did the dozens after.

It would have been frustrating if she had been aware enough to take notice.

* * *

It was only the familiar pinching feeling of her hair caught under the dead weight of her body that kept her from going under again and with a grunt she jerked her neck to the left and hissed at the incessant tug the movement caused.

 _I'm alive._

Forcing herself to roll over she freed her scalp from the pain and only had time to blink once at the sight the trail of hair falling from her shoulders made before fatigue gripped her hard and she rested her head on the circle of her arms.

She was so very tired.

* * *

The next time she woke up it was to her own screaming.

 _I'm alive!_ Something in her howled. _I bleed! I breathe!_

It seemed the remnant dreams of her death and rebirth took a bit more patience to sort through than she first thought but mourning her past in her dreams felt infinitely better than doing it out loud - she just wished it would be over sooner

 _Well what did you expect? To get over years of memories so easily?_

 _Don't be an idiot._

* * *

She stared down at the tawny skin that stretched out over her tiny and delicate hands and hesitantly the pads of her thin and trembling digits traveled down the aquiline cut of her thin nose, along the ridge of her high cheekbones and across the seam of her tiny lips - but when she traced the tip of a pointed ear she startled violently and clasped her golden hands in her lap.

 _I'm alive._

She shivered.

Gone was the slightly broader nose and rounded face that she remembered and all that was left was what she was now. Pulling her grip away from herself, she held her palms up towards the ceiling and when she found that she was unable to curl her fingers into a fist, she let the appendages fall into her lap with a lackluster flop.

She was paler than she had been before.

This body didn't feel like hers.

She didn't want to see it in full if she could help it.

 _I'm alive._

 _But at what cost?_

* * *

There was no one here with her and there was no one who came to visit.

Was she feeling lonely?

 _It was only human if she did - even she wasn't quite that anymore._

* * *

She didn't need to eat.

She had figured that out after waking up for the nth time and she didn't know how to feel about that. It was as if everything that she was had been ripped away and replaced but she supposed she was lucky she wasn't the same as before especially since she didn't experience hunger anymore - else she would have died twice over.

 _I'm alive._

 _...Are you really?_

* * *

Sometimes she thought she could hear noise from outside but maybe she was just going crazy. Maybe she was just hankering for some company so it was probably best to ignore it - besides, she was far too frightened to even _attempt_ to go looking for the source regardless of the fact that she couldn't move past the stone walls of her room.

 _I'm not dead._

 _Can you be so sure?_

* * *

No she _wasn't_ losing her mind, there _had_ been someone outside - a man. A man with hair as dark as the night sky and eyes that shined like their stars. And as she watched the man kneel and present to her a single dusky hand, she moved forward to hold it and despite the fact that she knew she should - _logically_ \- fear this unknown figure, she found herself setting her trembling fingers in his palm and she sighed the moment they made contact.

She sighed for immediately her body relaxed and her lids fluttered and He sent her a slow and pleased smile.

" _Hello again_ ," He spoke and with a jolt, she realized that even though he wasn't speaking English that she could understand him perfectly. " _Núnonin_."

And oh! How he spoke her name! To be able to incite such a happiness inside her with a single acknowledgment was surely a feat unimaginable and sure enough, there was a kindling of warmth in her chest as she dipped her head shyly and she heard him chuckle richly.

He was beautiful and terrible and he brought her a peace that made her want to curl up into his side and sleep for millennia.

It was terrifying.

It was invigorating.

It was confusing and she didn't know if she liked it.

 _I can feel._

 _Could you be dreaming?_

 _There's a man here._

 _Does he actually exist?_

* * *

Whenever she slept nowadays, she learned whatever her creator - because that's what he was - wanted her to learn. And while she slumbered, a voice - The Dark Man's voice - told her about the world. About Eru Iluvatar and his machinations and how he hoarded power and refused to show his face even when his precious creations faced peril of unimaginable magnitudes.

The Dark Man painted Eru - the god figure of Tolkien saga how was this even _real_? - in a cowardly light but he didn't deny his power.

Nor did he deny the power of the Valar - it was just that he viewed himself as their better.

It was strange.

 _I can learn._

 _But does it make any sense?_

She didn't have a response for that.

* * *

Núnonin sometimes laid awake when the Dark Man left her alone and she wondered what fresh hell she landed in to warrant this kind of situation and it made her stomach twist.

She didn't deserve to suffer for eternity.

 _Did she?_

 _If you have to ask then maybe you do._

* * *

Sometimes she thought back to her life before and wondered just what was going on there. She wondered if everyone had moved on without her yet or if they still thought about her and she always had to stop herself there because crying by herself in a stoned off room wasn't appealing.

She hated the scent of stagnating despair.

 _Was any of this real?_

 _Are you?_

* * *

" _Yes," S_ he found herself whispering days later as she stared up at the dark stone above her. " _yes I am."_

 _I'm real. I'm real. I'm real._

 _Then you have your answer._

* * *

The man clad in all shadows had yet to tell her his name and frankly, she wasn't sure she wanted to know it.

Núnonin - for what else could she call herself? No one here knew her by the name Chelsea - huddled in the corner of her large black stone room and wondered how long she had been here. She had no way to tell time and no way to gauge how long she rested for - effectively she was lost in a continuum.

Drawing her knees to her chest, she drew back into the plentiful pillows below her and shivered.

She was Schrodinger's cat.

She didn't exist as long as she was stuck in here.

 _I can sleep and wake up. I'm alive._ She stubbornly insisted but the infernal voice inside her was silent.

* * *

She didn't know who this man was. His name rang no bells, there was no one in the Tolkien books she had read called what he called himself and it _confused_ her.

She had _never_ heard of a man named Melkor and she had _never_ heard of any supposed Vala hating Eru but nevertheless, here was one before her and she could deny neither Melkor's divinity nor his animosity.

 _I can't trust this guy._

 _You have no choice._

* * *

The first time He brought her food it had started with two kinds of fruit and despite feeling no hunger, the sight and smell made her jaw clench and her eyes widened. Hesitantly she met His silver eyes and cocked her head to the side when she noticed the man was making no efforts to withdraw the fruits or offer them forward - they were merely _there_. Her gaze flashed down to the sweet scented delights and she took another inhale and unerringly switched her stare to the pink colored treat instead of the yellow one right across from it - she wanted this one instead.

 _Desperately._

With a twitch of her muscles she could feel the desire to take a bite consume her and almost without preamble or a care of caution, she had the fruit that he carried in his right palm in her hands and damn near devoured it whole.

It was delightful.

And when the man lifted the remaining yellow fruit to his mouth with a chuckle, she paused the moment he set his pleased nitrate eyes on her and suddenly she was filled with a sense of accomplishment despite not knowing why.

 _She had a feeling she had just been tested._

 _But did you pass?_

 _I think - but is that good or bad?_

 _It's all a matter of perspective really._

* * *

Staring down into the puddle of water that surrounded the spilled basin that her Creator gifted to her on his last visit, Núnonin felt a bit sick to her stomach because this - _this_ was why she held no fascination with seeing her reflection.

 _She looked so different._

Núnonin knew logically that she looked exactly like her Sire - _like Melkor, the visions in her dreams told her as much_ \- but actively seeing the evidence first hand was almost frightening.

Glancing down at the contrast between the paleness of the pillows below her and the brown duskiness of her skin she, instinctively of her American nature, tried to put an ethnicity to her features and fumbled when nothing came to mind. Swallowing she ignored the bitter thoughts that whispered about how _proud_ Chelsea had been of her Seminole heritage and tried her hardest to find some resemblance - beyond the russet complexion - to her people in the classically beautiful face she could see in the mirror and she failed.

Epically

 _I'm different now._

 _That you are._

 _I don't like it._

 _Your opinion on the change doesn't matter, you have no choice but to live with it._

She had nothing to say to that.

* * *

 **The next like 2-5 chapters are gonna be in this format but after that, it'll switch to a normal story format. It's just easier to quickly dispense info this way.**

 **The fruit scene did have a double meaning since Melkor was low key using that situation to test if Núnonin had even a smidgen of free will. You see if she didn't have a will of her own when he presented her with two options she wouldn't have chosen anything since he would have had to order her to decide but when she started to consider the two fruit options _without_ him prompting and even went as far as to take the fruit she wanted without an order, shows that she _does_ have free will. Which was what he wanted, to create life like Eru does.**

 **One problem Nin will face is dysphoria due to her change in body and her strong attachment to her previous form but I will handle that subject with care.**

 **Please review! It's motivation! Ps the profile pic is what I imagine Nin to look like and since Melkor in my mind is visually the opposite of Manwe (but with the same face) Melkor has dusky/dark skin with dark hair while Manwe had pale skin and white hair. The only thing Manwe and Melkor share in this story are their silver eyes. So Nin looks like Melkor so I modeled her after how I pictured him.**


	3. O I Ráw: Of The Flesh

She wished she had read all the books in the Tolkien series when she had to goddamn chance because now - _now_ she was lost until something familiar came along.

She knew there was a pre-Frodo era - two lifetimes before the third age - but she had never taken the initiative to debunk Middle Earth's history and she knew many people who had done the same thing as her in ignoring the tedious prequels minus the Hobbit.

It was only too bad none of them had thought that _actually_ ending up in _Lord of the fucking Rings_ was possible - else she would have devoured all the lore with vigor long ago. And oh, it wasn't as if she didn't know little obscure facts - _like Beren and Luthien were a thing supposedly and that an elf dude named Fëanor created the Silmarils that suckered people into going insane like Thorin had_ \- but she didn't know chronological things. She didn't know exactly what was going to happen or who was who and it would _stay_ like that until the line of Durin came into the picture.

And Arda had just been created not that long ago according to the dreams, which meant she had a _long_ way to go before she would see anything that resembled a dwarf.

 _This fucking sucked._

 _Surely you didn't think it was going to be_ fun _?_

* * *

She knew the man - Melkor - was testing her but for what exactly, she didn't quite understand.

Sometimes he would order her about - but it wasn't anything strenuous. He would tell her things like to sit and stay precisely where she was and then he would disappear but keeping her back straight and not moving a muscle for that long made her tired.

 _You don't_ get _tired anymore._

 _Then it makes me bored_. She snapped as she curled into a ball on the spot and closed her silver eyes for a nap - only to open them seemingly a few seconds later to behold Melkor's infinitely pleased face inches from hers and Núnonin _preened_ at his approval for reasons she couldn't quite discern.

Other times He would kneel before her with more fruit, either cut up in a beautiful ivory bowl or simply in his hands and after some debate, she would eyeball his face carefully and eat the succulent offering. All the while He never made a sound aside from the approving rumble of a chuckle that thundered out from inside his chest and Núnonin always melted at the sound because it meant she had done something he _liked_.

 _It almost didn't matter that she didn't know what she had done to make him happy - if approval made her feel so good that is._

 _I thought you couldn't trust him._

 _And I thought_ you _said I didn't have a choice._

The voice was quiet and she felt an acid like vindictiveness spiral through her veins.

 _That's what I fucking thought_.

* * *

Her hair never tangled.

It never grew dull.

It never looked anything less than pristine.

 _She kind of hated it._

 _It doesn't -_

 _Matter what I hate._ She thought bitterly. _I have no choice but to live with it._

 _I know._ She carded her finger through the length and grimaced at the smooth glide it gave despite never taking a brush to her scalp. _You don't have to keep reminding me._

* * *

Núnonin was glad that despite her aversion to the sensation of hunger that she still enjoyed the taste of food.

She thinks that her life might have been a tad bit lonelier without the pleasure stuffing her pie hole could bring her.

It was nice to take comfort in little things.

 _Especially when you couldn't take comfort in almost anything else._

* * *

Sometimes she wondered what would happen if she tried to make herself throw up - would it even _work_?

She didn't need to use the bathroom even when she ate so she mostly doubted it but it was one of those intrusive thoughts that never left her alone at night. It was just that weird kind of urge that bid her to see if she was _actually_ as free from flaws as her appearance and function suggested.

 _And apparently, she_ was.

 _She had stuck her fingers down her throat and found out that she didn't even have a gag reflex._

 _Of course you wouldn't._ The voice scolded. _Only_ humans _have that._

* * *

Whenever the Dark Man Sung a Song, it was as if he held the worlds in his throat. As if he could bring about the end with only an Alto pitch and it was as daunting as it was beautiful and terrible and something in her quivered and squirmed at the sound.

Sometimes she felt as if he wanted to her join in but there was something almost _disrespectful_ about interrupting Him.

And so she kept her mouth shut.

 _Much to her almost disappointment._

 _Why the almost?_

 _Just because._

* * *

She didn't think she had a firm concept of time anymore.

Glancing down at her - dare she say it? - _taller_ body, Núnonin flexed her fingers and wondered if years had actually gone by or if she just wasn't aging like she used to.

The hair that had pooled around her feet in circles of black now hung to the backs of her knees and she knew she had definitely gained some height for she _certainly_ hadn't cut a single curl on her pretty little head.

 _So did that mean her perception was off?_

 _But hasn't it always been?_

* * *

Sometimes she wondered when she would be able to leave her stone room.

Sometimes she wondered about the sounds she heard outside.

Sometimes she wondered where it was that her Creator - where Melkor - made off to when he wasn't with her but then something inside her would freeze and she would turn her thoughts to other things.

To stuff that wouldn't make chills run up her vertebrae or her shoulders hunch up to the lobes of her ears.

 _Do I really want to go outside?_

 _Do you really want to stay_ here _?_

* * *

Sometimes she didn't know _what_ she wanted.

* * *

Núnonin finally opened her mouth to trill a note along with Him when her hair reached just below her tailbone and she liked to think she sounded just as good but everyone had illusions of grandeur and she was no exception.

But nevertheless, it was a thing of beauty - the intertwining of their voices.

When he went high, she went higher.

When he went low, she let herself purr out the note.

It was almost a game at times - with her trying to match and surpass her creator's featherlight warble and him leading her into songs that felt as old as the universe itself.

It was a compulsion almost, the urge to add her voice to his and when she hummed out a hymn that caused the very _ground_ to shake under the soles of her feet, Melkor had glowed with the force of his glee.

" _You are precious._ " He had cooned as he swept her delicate body into his arms. " _You are mine_."

 _And Núnonin beamed._

 _But should that really be something you smile about?_

 _And why not?_ She thought as she dueted with the Man with Moonbeam eyes and inkblot hair whose smiles made her chest feel warm and her soul sing. _Why not?_

* * *

After that, her Creator wanted to see exactly what her singing could do.

" _If you can shake the very foundations of stone_ ," He would hum into her ear as she stared at the lump of hardened earth in front of her. " _then you can break it as well_."

And so she had tried.

And tried.

And _tried_ until all that was left was the disappointed mercury eyes of her lord Melkor and Núnonin felt an arrow pierce through her heart as he set a placating hand against her silken head.

" _We can try again_." He soothed even though the look in his gaze told of an assessment of a character he saw as lacking and she felt like swallowing her tongue.

Or better yet biting it off so that she could never sing such a mediocre piece again.

 _She could do better! She could sing the boulder to pieces - she promised, she promised!_

 _Just - just don't_ look _at her like that!_

 _You act as if you've never failed someone's expectations._

 _I've never failed_ his _._

 _Well, there's a first time for everything so get used to it._

* * *

When He left she Sung until He came back and kept Singing until He left.

And kept going for longer than that.

She _had_ to figure this out.

 _She had to._

 _But why?_

 _Because I_ need _to. Becuase I_ have _to._

 _But for who?_

 _Him._

She harmonized with a melody only she could hear in her head but - but it was _missing something_ and she didn't know _what._

 _Me._

She watched as everything _but_ that mother fucking rock shook and trembled under her utterance and she bit off the Song with a cry of dismay.

 _Us_.

Tugging futilely at her hair in a frustration that brought tears to her nitrate eyes, Núnonin pressed her face into her knees and dug her nails into her calves until it _hurt_.

 _ **I don't know.**_

* * *

Staring down at the ruined piles of pebbles, she felt a grim satisfaction curling around in her chest and she looked up into the white flame eyes of her Creator and beamed.

" _Did I do good?"_ She asked eagerly, almost sick with the need to know and as a hand brushed through her dark hair, Núnonin purred.

" _You've never done better."_

* * *

 **Nin only has Melkor for company and their relationship is certainly unhealthy lol. Nin has no one else, she's been in that room for who knows how long with only Melkor and his Palov's Dog experiments that he's using on Nin, and she definitely needs to leave that room to claim some independence before her co-dependence can get better.**

 **Also, Nin knows it's not good for her to be this way but it feels good and Melkor is nice to her and he made her so currently, she's fine with it.**

 **I have a feeling Nin is going to develop a perfectionist attitude due to needing Melkor to always praise her lmao. I'm making it so hard for my character.**

* * *

 **1) Tell me what you guys think about Nin and Melkor's twisted father/daughter relationship?**

 **2) What do you think Melkor's aim is regarding Nin, the Valar, Eru, Middle Earth, and himself?**

 **3) Based off of what you've read about Nin what kind of character do you think she'll be? Do you like her so far despite what little you see?**

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, please review!**


	4. O I Fëa: Of The Soul

Nin - for her name was kind of long - never realized how much she liked to sleep.

She never realized how it much it dominated her time - aside from her Singing of course, which took precedence over everything else - and with a frown, she realized she didn't have much else to do.

She wondered if she could find something to occupy her time.

 _Like what?_

 _I don't know._

 _Then why wonder at all?_

* * *

Núnonin knew there was power inside of her besides the great Song that thrummed in time with her heartbeat and exhales but she could never coax it out.

She could feel it bubble and toil up in her soul - in her _fëa_ \- and coon to her from behind her lungs but when she went reaching for it with incorporeal curious fingers, that infernal spark inside her shied away and hid.

And after so many apparent rejections from the light that was intertwined with her - after chasing and chasing after the flame that ran giggling through her veins - the incarnate of Melkor decided to wait until whatever force that lingered in her body chose to come to her instead.

 _Why not make it do what you want?_

 _Because I don't need to._

 _You never had a problem taking things you wanted before._

 _I'm not the same as I was then now am I?_

 _Ha! You most certainly are not._

And if a bitter tang teased her into staunchly ignoring the sweet beckoning of the vibrancy welling up in her bones then no one was there to notice.

* * *

She had taken to braiding her hair and she supposed she enjoyed it to a degree or two.

She remembered enough from her old life to recreate many different styles and when she ran out of those - which she did fairly quickly - she created new ones.

Often she thought it was a bit of a waste since she had no hair pins, clips, or rubber bands and since her hair now was so fine and silk-like, the plaits didn't want to stay in formation of their own violation and they would slip loose with the barest flutter of the wind.

She missed her old tightly curled ringlets.

Beauty had never been as hard as it was now that she was a vision of perfect beauty.

 _Didn't you use to dream about having a mane as tameable as this one?_

 _Shut up._

* * *

It was surprising how boredom could spur a person into making discoveries they otherwise wouldn't make in a different, more entertaining set of circumstances and since she was bored twenty-four seven, well her days were just ripe with new knowledge.

Staring down at the stone floor nearly hundreds of feet away, Nin stretched out a tentative hand and ran the tips of her tawny brown fingers through the shining obsidian length and marveled at how much weight her will carried on the world around her.

All she had to do was want something bad enough, wish for it hard enough, or Sing for it loudly enough and she got her way.

If she didn't pace herself she would end up spoiled rotten.

Standing up from her crouching position, the upside down dark Vala sucked in a breath, released the tension in her muscles, and let herself fall through the air.

The way her hair fluttered in the updraft made her feel free.

 _I hope you land on your feet._

 _I will._

 _You didn't the first few times._ The voice pointed out dryly and with a scowl, she twisted her body mid-air and landed crouched on her hands and knees.

 _That's not your feet._

 _It's close e-fucking-nough._

* * *

The dreams about her past and her death eventually tapered off into vague feelings of distress and nothingness as time went on.

And that wasn't to say she didn't remember - she didn't think she could _ever_ forget - but it wasn't haunting her anymore.

 _Right?_

 _What? Are you not sure?_

 _Is anything anymore? Is anyone?_

 _But shouldn't you know yourself better than this?_

 _Maybe._

 _You used to._ The voice accused and she bristled. _You had._

" _I_ _ **used to**_ _ **do**_ _a lot of things._ " She hissed out as heat and rage flared deep in her gut and the stone foundation beneath her trembled at her fury. " _I_ _ **had**_ _a lot of things."_

 _But those things are fucking gone now and I'm not sure if I can get half of them back._

* * *

She thought she was beyond tears at this point but as she lay down to sleep and her eyes dripped droplets of salt and pain down her cheeks, she could feel an old wound open and begin to bleed again.

She glad all was silent in her head.

* * *

"I think I want out." Núnonin confessed to herself as she pressed a slim dark hand to the stone walls. " _I think I want out_."

 _And so what are you going to do to achieve that?_

 _I'll ask._

 _Who?_

 _Melkor. Creator. Father._

 _But you're not even sure about it._

 _I'm sure enough that I want the option._

 _When will you make your request?_

 _Next time._ She assured herself. _Next time I get a chance._

* * *

There always managed to be fruit in her bowls but she never saw them refill.

It was convenient if not a tad bit scary and once, when she got unbearably curious she ate every succulent piece of sweetness available and sat back in wait for something to happen - only for her to blink and suddenly it was _overflowing_ with produce.

And when she tried not blinking, the bowl stayed empty and well, she wasn't going to let her stubbornness take away a particular delight of hers and so she looked away - and it was full again.

She scowled and picked up something that resembled a pomegranate and took a bite.

 _Stupid magic._

 _Hey now, you're made of that 'stupid magic', should you really be cursing it right now?_

 _Stupid. Magic._

* * *

Staring down at her hand that was covered in dust, the girl reached over, picked up another stone piece and crushed it effortlessly in her bare palm.

Núnonin wasn't exactly sure how she got to this point - she had lost track when she Sung half the room into destruction and chaos - but she couldn't bring herself to regret it.

Blowing off the fragments that clung to her skin Núnonin clenched her digits into a fist and gave her next action careful consideration before she reared back her arm and slammed her knuckles into the wall in front of her.

There was no pain despite the amount of force she put into that punch.

It was almost enough to freak her out.

 _Almost_.

Pulling away, she ran a single finger along the indent - _the indent her fucking fist made_ \- and then ran one along the ridge of her balled up fingers - _that weren't fucking broken_ \- and blinked.

 _Could I break through the wall?_

 _Are you gonna try?_

 _No._

 _But you want to._

 _I want a lot of things but we don't always get our base desires nor do we have to give into them._

* * *

 _Aren't you going to ask him?_ The voice needled as she stared up into the swirling silver eyes held in a face that mirrored her own and she swallowed.

 _Maybe another time._ She hedged as she crushed another rock at Melkor's whim. _It doesn't have to be now._

 _Then when?_

 _Whenever I want. Whenever I decide._

 _I knew you weren't sure._

 _And so what?_ She shot back as she melted into Melkor's hand that tangled approvingly into her hair. _I'm allowed some indecision, aren't I?_

 _Aren't I?_

* * *

Melkor gave her a staff - or perhaps it was a scepter but the details hardly mattered.

What did was the fact that it called for the power that hid in her blood and she could feel it clawing it's way out.

" _This is a merely a tool, one designed to teach and guide the forces inside you to the outside realm_." He rumbled soothingly as he kneeled and presented her with his gift. " _Do not grow dependent on this crutch my dearest Núnonin, for doing so will only hinder you_."

Her bright eyes locked with his before they lowered to the silver rod that was decorated with signs and sigils that were known to her but carried no distinct familiarity and hesitantly, she reached out and brushed her fingers against the construct and all at once, there was a powerful pulse that raced out from under her ribs and shook the world as she knew it.

Almost thrown back, she tightened her grip on the weapon - for surely that's what it was - and felt herself sink into the black.

" _You will be my greatest triumph_." Melkor purred as her lids lowered and her body began to slumber. " _You will be my most magnificent slight to Eru Iluvatar and he will know my influence and he will know your power._ "

* * *

 **Boom! New chapter!**

 **I'm trying to paint Nin's character as someone who is confused, scared, and depressed but she still has that special kind of sass unique to our world. She'll eventually get back into her old groove but it won't be the same rest assured. She's still finding her bearing and trying her best to understand everything that's happening and deal with it accordingly. She just needs time - and perhaps later on a kick in the pants.**

* * *

 **1) What did you think about this chapter and the information it provided?**

 **2) Out of curiosity which character(s) would you like Nin to meet and why?**

 **3) Which canon character(s) do you think Nin would get along with and why? Which characters do you think she wouldn't get along with and why?**

* * *

 **Also on a side note if you haven't heard already I need some help!**

 **I've never really asked for help with anything that didn't involve writing fanfic so I hope you'll consider lending a hand! ^^**

 **I would like you guys to follow my Instagram because I'm trying to get a paid fashion sponsorship and I need a high number of followers to do that! And I have a high amount of followers on this website so yeah! It would really mean a lot to me if you guys would do this. Like it would mean so so so sooo much if you guys could do me this favor.**

 **So please help me out with a follow on my Instagram:** **slimjimsandarizonas** **pls and thank you!~**


	5. I Need Help N Thats Why I Havent Updated

hi lads, im cherryvvoid and lately ive been really absent from and i really need help.

Ive been kicked out of home, dropped out of college bc I cant afford it. My laptop broke. Me and my mom fought and she kicked me out so Im living in an apartment i used the last of my savings to get. I had to quit my job bc my old friends i stayed with when i got kicked out are stalking and harassing me so I cant go back (the girlfriend worked next door to the job I quit). i dont have wifi where im at yet and i only have my phone to write from since my laptop broke (which is another reason I haven't been able to write) and im really stressed out lol!

my dad isnt any help since he had his new child he always wanted so thats a dead end and I havent ever been close to anyone else sadly.

And I know its alot to ask of you guys especially when I haven't been updating but this is the only platform where I really have followers or anyone to listen. if any of you are kind enough to donate literally anything to this gofundme I made (this is a last ditch effort, been stressing for months guys) it would help me out so so sooo much!

 **Please no one say anything mean i beg you, im already not feeling great about myself so please be kind! you can unfollow me if youd like, I dont mind just please be nice!** (also i just picked a random goal number bc i didnt know we had to do that!)

 _ **IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO DONATE THE LINK IS ON MY PROFILE IN MY BIO. I REPEAT THE LINK TO HELP ME OUT IS IN MY BIO.**_

once again, please be kind!

ill try to drop the actual link below but if it doesnt work im really sorry lads!

www . gofundme . com. / ily-ladstysmalso-we-have-to-choose-a-goal

(((im also going to post this to all my stories, thank you for being so understanding)))


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